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Thank goodness for church ladies with typewriters.  These sentences actually
appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary
Methodist.  Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER FASTING Conference:
"The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight:
"Searching for Jesus."
                
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
recreation hall.  Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.  

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.  It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house.  Don't forget your husbands."

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

Smile at someone who is hard to love.  Say "hell" oto someone who doesn't
care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off let the Church help.
                 
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children, and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.  They need all the help
they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions.  She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
Pastor Jack's sermons.

During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a
good sermon when J.F.  Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing
"Break Forth into Joy."

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So
ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will
follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 P.M..  Steak, mashed potatoes, green
beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
you want remembered.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and
gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M.  prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.  They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 P.M.  there will be a hymn sing in the park across from
the Church.  Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10.  All ladies are
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend
him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.  Please use the
back door.

The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM.  The Congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
use large double door at the side entrance.

Mrs.  Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge, Up Yours."

Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

***don is da man***

posted by Robbie 4/25/2002 07:37:00 PM

Odd Sites for April 25

78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars -- I decided to jump on the Star Wars hype machine bandwagon with this rather ambitious site.

Why Star Wars Sucks -- Here's three rather convincing reasons...

Attack of the Clones Review by Harry Knowles -- And here is a dissenting viewpoint from Austin's own Redbeard the Movie Freak. Lord help you if you try to read the comments at the end of the review, which are probably entertaining, if you have an old fashioned modem--like me--it loads ssssssssllllllllllllloooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwww. What kind of a goober brain am I. I'm on the internet about 18 hours a day and I'm using a 56k modem--I think I'm saving a few bucks or something. If I had one of them large bore pipes I'd probably only be "online" for 4 hours a day. The rest of the time could be spent doing laundry and drinking beer!

Here's an observation I just made--it's probably time to wash the dishes when one of those fruit fly things is flying in front of your face and your about 20 feet from the kitchen.

posted by Robbie 4/24/2002 10:00:00 PM

Odd Sites for April 23

Loompanics, The Best Book Catalog In The World -- They've got it all here--it's a treasure trove!--how to become self-sufficient, revenge, bomb making, big brother, guns, create your own reality and on and on and on. I don't think many of these books are stocked at Barnes and Noble (Thanks Tom!).

Red Hot Revenge from Combat Press -- A nice selection of books to get back at someone who's done you wrong. From the fun and light hearted to the very serious revenge techniques.

posted by Robbie 4/23/2002 07:55:00 PM

How bout 2 dumb sites and 2 odd sites for April 22

Cyber Cones -- AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Please shoot me! If you want to die a slow death this is the place to be. Better yet get out the old 14k or 9600 modem for a real thrill!!!

Monitor Camera -- Want to take an idiot test. Try this... Honestly ask yourself if this might just work. "Gawl, they sure got some fancy gadgets nowadays, how in tarnashion do they get it ta work."

Nocturnal Visions Vampire Search Center and Community Links -- So is this like the Vampire Chamber of Commerce. I guess if you need it, it's nice to know it's there, waiting to be of service.

Bad Attitude Demolition Derby -- Wanna get into demolition derby? Here's a good place to start. Lots of tips on readying your ride for the big derby.

posted by Robbie 4/21/2002 09:59:00 PM