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Odd Sites for April 20

I love watching the Wizard of Oz now because it doesn't scare the crap out of me anymore! It still has the magic after all these years--now it scares the crap out of my son! Here's a few Wizard of Ozzities for your enjoyment.

Wizard of Oz Munchkins -- Good info and background, with recent photos of the beloved little people of Oz.

Dark Side of Oz -- Heard the one about Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon being done to the Wizard of Oz, here's a dude that tried it and here's his results. He finds lots of interesting coincidences...

Wizard of Oz Events Calendar -- Want to know what's going on in the world of Oz, check this site out. I'm sorry to announce that last night was the final night of the production of the Wizard of Oz performed by Delmar High School in Delmar, Delaware.
posted by Robbie 4/20/2002 09:44:00 PM

A new twist on the disgruntled fired employee! Yikes!
posted by Robbie 4/20/2002 08:27:00 AM

Chili Cook-Off Thanks Don!
If you're in the right mood you might piss in your pants this is so funny. Maybe it's funnier if you live in Texas!


NOTE: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the
first two judges, the reaction of the third is even better. For those
of you who have lived in Texas or gone to one of these affairs, you know
how true this is! They actually have a chili cook-off about the time the
rodeo comes to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the
Astrodome. You will want to read this behind closed doors because, if
you are like me, you will be howling out loud.

INEXPERIENCED CHILI TASTER Notes from an inexperienced chili taster
named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast. "Recently I was
honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person
called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the
judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon, when the call came.
I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili
wouldn't be all that spicey, and besides, they told me I could have free beer
during the tasting. So I accepted."
Here are the score cards from the event:

______________________________________________
CHILI #1
MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing Kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could have removed
dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames
out. I hope that is the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

______________________________________________
CHILI #2
ARTHURS AFTERBURNER CHILI
JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children. I'm not sure what I am
supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give
the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look
on my face.

______________________________________________
CHILI #3
FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I
have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now get me more
beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back: now my backbone
is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced with all this beer.

______________________________________________
CHILI #4
BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the beans. Good side dish for fish or other
mild foods, not much of a chili.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to
taste it, is it possible to burnout taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was
standing behind me with fresh refills; the 300 lb bitch is starting to look HOT
just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?

______________________________________________
CHILI #5
LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit
the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can
no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given
me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer
directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It really
pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw
those rednecks!

______________________________________________
CHILI #6
VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of
spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.
Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I am worried it will eat
through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut
Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need
to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

______________________________________________
CHILI #7
KICK ASS CHILI
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about
JUDGE THREE. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
uncontrollably.
FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin and I wouldn't
feel a damned thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like
it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid
unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are filled with lava-like shit to match my
damn shirt. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm
not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through
the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

______________________________________________
CHILI #8
LESTER'S LAST OF THE RED HOT LOVER'S CHILI
JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all,
not too bold but spicy enough to declare it's existence.
JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good balanced chili. Neither mild or
hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Three passed out, fell
over and then pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he is
going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he would have reacted to a
really hot chili?


posted by Robbie 4/19/2002 03:31:00 PM

Odd Sites for 4/18

Okay I know you were worried that I wasn't going to be able to come up with the goods. Well never fear, there's a bit of a boredom theme going on tonite/today/this a.m. And that NY Times article I have listed I have no idea what it is because I found it a couple of days ago and I'm not going to check the link. It will just be a surprise.

Roadkill Bingo -- Your family will never raise a stink again about highway travel once they have played Roadkill Bingo!

The Oracle of Bacon... -- I don't know, just play the game... It goes with the general theme of wasting time. See what Bacon number your favorite actor is.

Shit Descriptions -- Brought to you from the folks at Waste-of-Time. org. This is very funny! (or at least I thought so). There's some fairly offensive stuff farther down their page--just a warning.

Procrastination -- I like the name and it's got some funny stuff...

Something Awful Record Reviews -- The funny boys at Something Awful came up with a good one. They review movies and records they've never seen and get all the facts wrong because they love hate mail or flames. The letters are pretty funny. They have a whole section on their website dedicated to legal threats they've encountered while just trying to make people laugh.

NY Times

Hank and Paullee -- Here's a plug for a friend's kids clothes line she just got online--cool stuff if you have a kid!

posted by Robbie 4/17/2002 10:26:00 PM

I've been kind of busy, so haven't been finding good stuff lately, but here's some entertaining cat literature

Rules Cats Live By:

DOORS:
Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door open, stand on
hind legs and hammer with forepaws.  Once door is opened, it is not
necessary to use it.  After you have ordered an "outside" door opened,
stand halfway in and out and think about several things.  This is
particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito
season.
CHAIRS AND RUGS:
If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in
time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good.
When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it is as long
as a humans bare foot.
HAMPERING:
If one of your humans is engaged in some activity and the other is idle,
stay with the busy one. This is called "helping," otherwise known as
"hampering."
Following are the rules for "hampering:"
1)    When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the
cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being
stepped on and then picked up and comforted.
2)    For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and
book, unless you can lie across the book itself.
3)    For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so
as to obscure as much of the work as possible or at least. Pretend to
doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen.
4)    For people paying bills or working on income taxes or Christmas
cards, keep in mind that the aim: is to hamper! First, sit on the paper
being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table.
When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering
them to the best of your ability.  After being removed for the second
time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.
5)    When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be
sure to jump on the back of the paper.  Humans love to jump.
6)    When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across
keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay in human's lap
across arms, hampering typing in progress.

WALKING:
As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of
the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their
arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will
help their coordination skills.
BEDTIME:
Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.
LITTER BOX:
When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box
as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes.
HIDING:
Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do
not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances. This will
cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run
away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will cover you with
love and kisses and you will probably get a treat.
ONE LAST THOUGHT:
Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, turn
around, and present your butt to them. Humans love this, so do it often.
And don't forget guests.


posted by Robbie 4/15/2002 07:16:00 PM